Anxiety.
It's horrible...what is it exactly? Is it an emotion? Certainly if anxiety is an emotion there's no other emotion that feels quite like it. Anxiety is a combination of what? Fear? Worry? Waiting? Need?
Does my brain create anxiety or is it floating in the air, and I catch it like a germ? I feel it's not like a bacterium or a virus floating in the air, but that it's more like one of those advanced chemical or biological agents--separate components that are innocuous alone, but when combined, they create a painful buzzing in my stomach, a sick feeling in my gut. It makes me tired and fills me with dread. Dread. Add that to the list of factors that combine to create this foul disease.
How does one overcome this most horrible of feelings? Drugs? Therapy? How does one overcome the catch 22 of anxiety--of feeling like you want to move or act or get around it, but for some reason, you just can't. You default into laziness or distraction, or you do something that's comfortable like cleaning or seeking solace in the deep dark damp of television.
Anyway. I'm going to stop being a big whiner now, and unlike so many other bloggers, I'm going to figure this out.
Stay tuned.
3 comments:
No drugs- just do meditation brotha.
I feel you, bro--I've definitely been there. The only thing that seems to work for me is to make a major change, spurring an attitude adjustment. Something like, oh, getting a new job in another location and moving in with your girlfriend. Wait, what?
Yeah--I've got myself more together than I've been in a long time. Dawn's a good influence on me and a big help. Change is good, but change is hard sometimes, too--you get to work some mornings and find a pile of crap you'd either a)forgotten about or b) didn't know about. It's the trials and tribulations of a new job. It's fun, but after 6 years "under the T" there's a learning curve--not only new stuff to learn...do...create--but new ways of doing things.
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