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Feelin' Mopey-A Rob Gordon/Hi Fidelity inspired top 10 disappointments, 2008

Yes, I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful for a lot of positive things that have happened in my life this year. However, today, two entities have conspired to destroy my confidence in customer service, brand loyalty (what was I thinking) and to basically, ruin any positive attitude I had toward the holiday season. I'm silly, superficial, and goofy, but here are my other disappointments for the year.

10. Sports
All the teams I support sucked. I know most people I know don't care about sports, but I do, and I'm tired of suffering. No. 1 Georgia has become No. 16 Georgia, and lost to Tech as they tumbled. The Braves staff of geezer pitchers started falling off the mound before April had even closed. Georgia baseball blew a golden chance to win the CWS, up one game in a best of three series. It was a really, really crappy year, sports wise, and I'm tired of sucking it up and waiting 'til next year. Even the Cubs, who I support secondarily, remained cursed in spite of a great regular season.

9. Technology
All I wanted was an iphone. We scrape, we save, and at the end of the year, here we are--with a little bit left over to get something nice--an ipod to replace Dawn's brick phone of ipods, and I felt as if I had enough need/want factor to get the iphone. AT&T sucks. Apple, a company I had previously enjoyed- and supported, sucks. The whole system of iphone-ery is designed to price gouge existing customers, and I just think that blows.

At least we got the much needed Imac desktop.

8. Travel
I went lots of places this year, and was tired, sick or got there too late to enjoy most of them. I went to New Orleans again. Got there at 10 PM, the restaurant where I had planned to eat was already closed, and I pretty much taught all day then left without seeing much of the city.

Our long anticipated trip to SF and the Napa Valley was good, but not as good as it could have been. I was sick for the whole trip, and really, really sick for the last 1/3 of it in San Francisco.

We didn't get a chance to go to Dollywood or Six Flags all year. Sucked.

I have to go to work now. I'll be back later with more of '08's disappointments after this word from our sponsor...AT&T???? Arrggghh!

Strange Dream

I woke from the strangest dream this morning. Well, maybe not the strangest, but pretty strange...

I was in a hotel with Dawn, getting ready. I was to take an 8:30 AM flight to the ALA conference.

Suddenly, stranger appears at the door and asks, "can you take my daughter to the airport? She's on the same flight as you?"

Randomly, I agreed.

Then, I continued getting ready, when suddenly (and very uncharacteristically for me) I looked up and it was already 8:11 AM.

Panic stricken, I decided "oh, I'm late, I'd better check in online."

Dawn said "tell me your skymiles number and pin and I'll do it for you, while you finish getting dressed." (as if she'd have time/be finished dressing first)

I said, grumpily, "No, give me the computer" and I forgot my password...

HOWEVER, my password wasn't anything realistic. I had to remember this great, long phrase that involved pigs or hog fat or something, and I had that "its right on the tip of my tongue" frustration.

So, I'm checked in, I'm ready, and we leave the hotel (me, Dawn, stranger's daughter)...but then I forget something in the room. I go back into the hotel to discover that, yes, you guessed it, there's a lion stalking the 2nd floor hallway where the room is. So I wait for the lion to wander down the hallway (though some hotel patrons are simply ignoring or shooing the lion, I don't want to push my luck) and then bolt for the room.

Fortunately, this highly frustrating dream ends here.

I see the factors that contributed to the dream--a lunch time conference conversation yesterday with OCLC staff about the perils of business travel, attending a conference that's local (Atlanta) when normally, I'd be traveling to something like this, the end of my travel based job (which in some ways I'll miss), seeing several people join the "I'm Attending ALA in Denver" Facebook group, etc. etc...

...But I have to ask. Where did the lion come from? And the stranger with a daughter?

All interpretations welcome.

Feral Soccer Moms: Danger in the SubSuburbs

I appreciate greatly the need to love and protect your children; to raise them and rear them, to protect them from any and all germs so that their immune systems are underdeveloped, rendering them allergic to qtips and peanuts...to make sure they get a trophy, and too call their bosses and yell when something is wrong at their first job.

I have a new and very primal fear of this new subcategory of the soccer mom...the feral soccer mom. Yes...they are wild. They are prone to moments of sudden psychosis, like a tired hungry grizzly protecting her cubs this breed will strike at you--not with teeth and claws (though certainly that's not out of the question) but with their over sized mini van and/or suv, the shrill yell, and a keen sense of righteousness of cause (making the bus stop on time), and of self (I'm only doing what's right for my kids...get out of my way!)

Anyway, I've encountered her in the wild a few times now. Most recently, walking peacefully down a one way driveway of a local park with Lola the dog at 6:55 AM. Suddenly...very suddenly...she appeared--cloaked in a white Ford Explorer, turning the corner and into the drive way (going the wrong way) almost up on two wheels--her anxiety the only thing out pacing her vehicle...

I was frozen, headlights bore into my coffeeless brain, panic struck, and then my own feral senses kicked in--(protect the dog, protect the dog, protect the dog) and "WHOA! WHOA WHOA WHOA Whoooaaa WTF?" came pouring out of me at the top of my lungs.

FSM:
THERE NO NEED FOR THAT REACTION!

RLPANTS:
YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG DAMN WAY..and Waaaay TOO Fast! You damn near hit me.

FSM:
Well *I'm* JUST trying to get HER (child) to the SCHOOL bus on time! There was no need for that!

RLPANTS:
LIKE HELL! You damn near hit me (picks up panicky dog, walks away)

FSM:
I'm not trying to hit ANYBODY!

Feral soccer moms, back the hell off. I don't have to put up with you or your precious brood of bratty overworked allergic runts.

And a tip--when it comes to me and mine, I can get pretty feral, too.

I have a pact with my dog, who has had a very, very tough life up until the time she joined our family--that I will NEVER let anything happen to her...

Feral soccer mom above, you were making far more of a direct threat to me and those that I love than I ever posed to your crazy ass. Your front wheels were three feet away from causing me to break my pact, and if I break it, I'm going to be angry at myself, and that anger will be turned on you.

I'm sure many of you have that same kind of pact with your kids--well, just know, I take my pact just as seriously.

Slow down...take a deep breath....relax.

Shaon Jones and the Dap Kings, Variety Playhouse

There's a lot of talk of the so-called "throwback" sound and the Dap Kings, Sharon Jones, the Daptone sound are a big part of it.

Make no mistake, this is not emulation, this is soulful execution--playful, tight, fresh, and creative. What are "oldies"anyway? I always go back to my Dawnie's line "Everyone just stole it from the Beatles"--who stole it from well, a lot of the stuff that sounds like Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings.

The crowd at Variety on the rare snowbound Atlanta night was an odd one for a sold out show; I expected more of the swing dancin' kids, and there were a few, but mostly the crowd was even older than me, populated with the usual cliques and subgroups, surprising amounts of Buckheady yick and soul-less white boys, who've apparently discovered both dancing directions--left...and right...and the usual "watchers," where I suppose I classify myself, those of us more used to the analytical appreciation of crossed arms, maybe a tapping foot, and the head--always nodding to the beat with approval.

The opener was an odd, if not highly contrasty starter...not something I'd buy or actively listen to outside the state fair--Ivan Milev Band, a folk fiddle and squeeze box band from Bulgaria--was to me, listenable and hypnotic, though maybe a bit of an energy sucker for the majority of the crowd. Still, it was sort of fun to see Ivan take to his axe (a gigantic accordion) with, at times, the vigor and finger quick attack of Eddie Van Halen in the cocaine years.

The Dap Kings come on stage in old soul fashion, advertising the night as a Super Sonic Soul Revue. The band, complete with the coordinated movements and tidy suits from the past, blaze into the set with a tight funk intro until Sharon Jones is introduced.

Then, this tiny, rotund woman comes onto the stage and takes over. She's amazing, voice spot on, never pitchy, and with a glorious power and energy forged on Sunday past. She's instantly likeable, down to earth--you want to know her, and by the end of the night, you do know her quite well through her songs.

I'd argue that if anything, the approach of Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings are capable of re-tooling anything and making it sound new and fresh--Janet Jackson's "What Have you Done for Me Lately" becomes a likeable funk groove, and the highlight of the night's covers was James Brown's "It's a Man's World" sung by a woman with fire, femininity, and a purposeful commentary.

Sharon dances, grooves, interestingly and unpretentiously talks of the dances of her ancestors-African and Native American- and turns it all into a life history lesson of music, dance, life, god and soul. She brings a young man on stage to play the role of the jilted lover, and later, brings a bevy of young Atlanta women up to dance--her prison guard past coming out as she went into enforcement mode when young ladies that didn't belong encroached. Finally, a shy young man takes in a soulful kiss from Sharon.

Boundless energy, complete and tuneful, Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings are not to be missed. woo.

Devastatingly Good Lyric

In the song "Silver Lining" the Rilo Kiley, they say...

"I never felt so wicked
as when I willed our love to die"

Sweetly bitter.

Top 5's Ought Seven

I didn’t buy much music. Of the things I bought and listened to:

Top Five Records of 2007

5. Spoon, GA GA GA GA GA

4. Lyle Lovett and his Large Band, It’s not Big, It’s Large

3. Magic, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

2. Wilco, Sky Blue Sky, Damnit

1. meh. Nothing excited me that much.

Top Five Shows I Saw in 2007

5. Wayne Hancock, Smith’s Olde Bar, Atlanta, GA

4. The New Pornographers, Variety Playhouse, Atlanta, GA

3. Fountains of Wayne, Variety Playhouse, Atlanta, GA

2. Jeff Tweedy, the Tabernacle, Atlanta, GA

1. Warm in the Wake, Variety Playhouse Atlanta, GA

Songs

5. Radio Nowhere, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

4. Sunday Morning, Elizabeth Cook

3. Are you alright? Lucinda Williams

2. I-95, Fountains of Wayne

1. Hate it Here, Wilco

Biggest Disappointments

5. Wilco, Sky Blue Sky

4. The Shins, Wincing the Night Away

3. Steve Earle, Washington Square Serenade

2. Challengers, the New Pornographers (though translates better live)

1. The Cowboy Junkies show

Top Discoveries

Teddy Thompson, Thanks to the Cowboy Junkies for sucking

The Apples in Stereo, thanks to Sam

Bonnie Prince Billy/Will Oldham-Everything I learn, I learn from Troy

Wayne Hancock, thanks to Troy and Jessica

Explosions in the Sky, thanks to late night neighbor noise and Austin City Limits

Things I liked a lot worth including, but I've not yet completely absorbed:

What I heard of the Rilo Kiley record, the "I'm Not There" soundtrack (makes me ache for a new Calexico record), Iron and Wine's thing, Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings (far superior to the Amy Winehouse stuff), Rehab, good song though.

Stuff I liked that everyone else liked--Blur guy stuff, Rehab, Radiohead, Prince, Foo Fighters

Good shows not on the list--Blue Mountain, Crowded House/Peter Yorn Bjorn

Best show joke--Peter Yorn singing the whistl-y Peter, Bjorn, and John song in his show straight up, no chaser

Things I'm hoping for in the new year--Steve Earle show, Wilco show, new Calexico album, winning something from a radio call in, a new mac with more itunes room, money for records, Neil Young boxed set

756, or...Hank Aaron never even wore batting gloves

*

Ha! Ha! Screw You, Dick Cheney!

So you're not part of the executive branch? oh well then, you don't need the funding we give you
as part of the executive branch!


"Rep. Rahm Emanuel, D-Ill., sponsor of the de-funding amendment, noted that five years ago Cheney claimed executive privilege in refusing to release details about his meetings with oil industry executives to discuss energy policy.

"Now when we want to know what he's doing as it relates to America's national security in the lead-up to the war in Iraq and after the fact, the vice president has declared he is a member of the legislative branch."

What a colossal flip flopper...what a, dare I? dick.

You Suck Dick Cheney

You suck Dick Cheney.

You suck, Dick Cheney.

Dick Cheney you suck.

Dick Cheney, you suck.

No, dear reader, this does not apply--

You, suck Dick Cheney...or You! Suck Dick Cheney.


www.nydailynews.com/news/wn_report/2007/06/23/2007-06-23_cheneys_secret_pass_.html

Stop Dick Cheney now.

Stop, Dick Cheney now.

Dick Cheney stop now.

Dick Cheney, stop now.

Clearly Sunday finds me both bored and outraged. I even wrote my congressman.

Fountains of Wayne, Variety Playhouse 6/19/2007

So Stacy was there. Lots of her. Her moms were there, too. I even saw Stacy's grandma, but decidedly, she hasn't "got it goin' on."

Strangest Variety Playhouse crowd ever. Teens in braces. A guy that looked like me or my friend Brad in say, 10 more years. Yuppies. There were no patterns to this crowd. I reckon FOW does have rather a universal appeal.

At the back corner of the playhouse where we sat, there were at least two categories --three counting us--the "overworked 30 something commuters"--the hit song dancing gay guys, who were having a lot of fun as they ran down to boogie with the masses during the top hits ("Stacy's Mom", "Mexican Wine"), and the "I'm in a band" guys, including the alleged drummer who sat behind me, pretending to be maxing the bass drum pedal (in completely out of time fashion) throughout the show and shaking the entire row around him-- mostly my chair...

The show was enjoyable--FOW writes and plays pretty pop that's almost authentic, as they carefully skirt the borders of novelty and genius. Strangely, my favorite song surrounding the band isn't one they wrote or perform themselves (and I'd lose any of the remaining street cred I have since my favorite band just whored themselves out to Volkswagen, ja, and if I didn't mention this--every so called FOW reviewer does, it'd be a problem) but is instead Robbie Fulks "Fountains of Wayne Hotline," with its tongue-in-cheek admiration for the layered pop perfection that FOW so often achieves.

They have a good stage presence and tight performance skills. Most hilarious to me in terms of their overall stage 'tude is their lead guitarist, who is a mash up of the following:

Jiimmy Page in "Song Remains the Same" duh, even down to the color of his Les Paul
David Cassidy (it's the vest)
and Jackie Earl Haley's Kelly Leek from the original "Bad News Bears" film.

Anyway, I wouldn't have picked it--the same Volkswagen whores mentioned earlier were playing just down the street this same night--but given the rare rain and the crappy yuppies cum infested outdoor venue ("Chat"stain") I was perfectly happy being at Variety once I got there and got settled--settled= getting to L5P late and braving the side streets in search of parking because the opening act is going to suck and we're old and tired-- and finally finding a space.

As concerts go, its nice and refreshing to see a band that embraces and plays their pop hits without any whining or teasing about it....no Michael Stipe-esque "we're just not playing "Stacy's Mom" because, that's just not who were are anymore." Whatever.

Play "Superman" so we can go home, ninny!

Thank you, and good night.

More stickers...

I saw the strangest thing on the west expressway as I was driving out of Atlanta yesterday after work--

A rather average looking truck, and on one side of its back window--a "W '04" sticker, and on the other side an "Obama '08" sticker.

That doesn't even make any sense. It does, however, make me hopeful.

In Loving Memory...

Why on Earth would I choose to display my feelings for a departed loved one with an "In Loving Memory" sticker on the (tinted) window of my car or SUV?

I theorize that this all began tragically with the demise of Dale Earnhardt, Sr. Suddenly, there were"3" stickers on the windows of vehicles everywhere. Then, just as suddenly there were 8's as a memorial to the living but grieving son who was also busy risking his life driving around in circles at 200 miles an hour...then it evolved and now the windshield is secondly only to the graveyard as a memorializin' locale.

I wouldn't feel right about offering up my feelings about any dearly departed person with a sticker on my car. I rarely wash my little Nissan. It's not a very holy place, as I drive in Atlanta traffic and yell profanity (often at SOB's with "In Loving Memory" stickers on their cars who cut me off), and I just wouldn't want me dear Grandmother, even in sticker memorial form, to be anywhere near me when I'm like that. I also consider the things the things that get yelled back at me! Not for the ears of anyone's dearly departed mother or grandmother...

Keep these feelings in your heart, or maybe on your sleeve--use a black ribbon or get a tattoo of your loved one's initials on one buttock or the other so I'll never see, but please, stop these stickers. Please? People are already doing enough to turn America's freeways into graveyards.

If you're considering this as part of your car decor and find that, for you, this is a must-- first, consider your car. Is that memorial sticker for your dead golfing buddy really going to look good on the back of that 85 olds Cutlass you've wrecked a couple of times now? Will others, with whom, I assume you wish to share your grief, going to be able to see it through the smoggy discharge of that olds tail pipe?

Also consider the relative location of your memorial sticker to the things you already have on display there-- of Calvin peeing on something, NRA membership stickers, your hoochie mama mudflaps, supporting stickers for ANY and all republican presidential candidates, and that "If the van's rockin' don't bother knockin" thing that's almost peeled off since you put it on back in '73.

I hope that, one day, we'll see...

In Loving Memory

In Loving Memory stickers

Dale, Sr to 2007

May they rest in peace next to scratch n' sniffs and garbage pail kids in sticker heaven.

A Horse is a Horse...Barbaro

It's a sad state of affairs when the American health care system is in the toilet, 46 Million or so Americans don't have health insurance, and suddenly, the attention of our country drifts to a dead horse who got better treatment than any of the rest of us....

Barbaro

(April 29, 2003 – January 29, 2007)

I wish I got this kind of attention from my doctor!

And I know there's a horse joke here somewhere, given our doctor's pose.... but it's a solemn moment in our nations history so...I'll just...let it...(grits teeth) go... s i g h.

Vote for my profile photo!

Which picture shall become my new featured blog, profile picture?

You, dear readers, will decide. Simply post a comment as to which photo you prefer:







The same old dog....

...The newest, latest dog

Or...neon Sign?

Or me standing under a 50's style neon sign somewhere in the dark mountain depths of Franklin, NC?

Top 5 Records, 2006

I couldn't think of ten that came out this year that were really worth a damn:

5. Dixie Chicks, yeah, you heard me, what of it? --Taking the Long Way

4. Johnny Cash--American V, a Hudred Highways

3. Tom Waits--Orphans (probably only as low as 3 because I haven't actually gone out and plunked down the 45 bucks yet)

2. Neko Case, Fox Confessor, Blah blah blah

1. Garden Ruin, Calexico

Engaged!

Dawn and I took a positive step forward toward the rest of our lives together this weekend.

On the lift hill of the world's greatest wooden roller coaster, I asked her if she might be interested in gettin' hitched up with me. I gave her the length of the ride to think about it, and at the end of the ride, she said yes, and then I gave her a ring.

We had a lovely trip into the Smoky Mountains. We enjoyed Dollywood, we rode the rides, saw the shows, including my favorite, "A Hokey Mountain Christmas" aka Randy Jackson's "A Very Pitchy Christmas."

On the way back yesterday, we went to the "lowest place on earth" Tallulah Gorge. It's actually the deepest Gorge East of the Mississippi. So our travels have now taken us to the ultimate geographic highs and lows. At least the ones in the Eastern U.S. , since last year we went to the "highest place on earth" or, Mt. Mitchell, NC, the highest peak east of the Missisippi.

Highs, lows, ups, downs, curves, dips, drops, loops.

More to come. I'm sure we'll handle them just fine.

Interstate Update, or cringe. Body?

The morning traffic reporter nonchalantly announced that there was a body in the road at I-75 this morning.

The body's condition was later upgraded to...alive. Last I heard, it was observed from the air that the body was, in fact, moving on the stretcher.

There was also a giant, hot air balloon floating over I-85 this morning.

This place is getting so very, very strange.

Interstate Update, or, Shop Vacs and Truck Fires

The newest item to add to the strange list of things seen in interestate highways comes from co-worker Cal, who had to avoid a shop vac on interstate 75 South of Atlanta.

I myself yesterday saw a full set of four fairly nice looking wicker chairs on the side of I-20 eastbound, and right next to those a wheel barrow.

I don't know what's up with the rash of fires on Atlanta's interstates. Clearly, most truck drivers can't drive worth a damn--some asshole truck driver cuts me off at least twice a day....

So lets hitch 'em up to something flammable to boot? Just this morning, a tanker truck caused lane closures on the downtown connector, which is essentially the heart that pumps Atlanta traffic. Last week, there was a bus fire, a shooting, and a grass fire that negatively impacted traffic well past the regular rush hour hours.

Let's just all stay home?

Or, better yet, let's get big trucks around the outside of the city and charge 'em to use 285?

Ban them between 6 am and 9 am, 3 pm to 6 pm?

Ten Songs I Never Need to Hear Again

Rock and Roll radio in the Atlanta area has changed and morphed in strange ways over the past 30 years. I can rely on the major FM radio stations in the area to play the same sort of stuff, and in some cases, the same stuff--over...and over...and over and over again.

99X--Atlanta's "alternative" radio. I think they have three CD's, and two of them are Red Hot Chili Peppers records. 99X reliably plays at least 7 Red Hot Chili Peppers songs an hour, 24/7. The other CD is some crappy emo compilation. Reliably plays alterna-rock from the same albums that were popular when I was in college, in spite of 14 new releases from bands like, say, Pearl Jam since then. Stop...playing...Ten.

Dave FM--Ok, a bit better--but its a bit as if I took all the "Greatest Hits" albums from my personal collection and made them into a giant playlist.

96 Rock--Hm. The longest running radio station in its current format--blasting cock rock, metal, a lot of Southern rock and occasional songs from the list I intend to generate. I can go here when I need some good, reliable 3 chord rock for driving/reliving high school/ or for getting the catchy hook of the whiny Emo song I tried to listen on 99x as a means to "grow" in my appreciation for young artists out of my head, hopefully forever.

97.1. The River. Ok, before 92.9 changed formats and became Dave FM, they played the same 14 late 70's-early 90's songs--and the River was a great radio station, playing tuneful "oldies" (which brings me to the...what is an "oldie" anyway question?!?) from the 50's-70's. Need to hear "More than a Feeling" again? Give the River 10 minutes.

Yay for college radio. WREK out of Georgia Tech, the Georgia State radio station--both have good programming even if it proves a little noisy for my taste at times, it can be really fun.

and now...the list:


10. "Bohemian Rhapsody" by queen-play instead...well, anything really, except Boston, I want to continue to like listening to the best of queen so please stop playing it on the radio for ten, maybe 12 years--but if you have to play a Queen song, play "Fat Bottom Girls" 'cause it rocks.

9. "Fly Like an Eagle" Steve Miller--play instead "Take the Money and Run" clap clap clap clap clap.

8. "Hotel California" the Eagles-play instead "Ol' 55" at least they had enough taste to cover Tom Waits

7. "Cocaine" Eric Clapton--play instead "Spanish Castle Magic" Jimi Hendrix--a better guitarist that doesn't get nearly as much play.

6. "Another Brick in the Wall" Pink Floyd--play instead "Shine on you Crazy Diamond"

5. "Stairway to Heaven" Led Zeppelin--play instead the longest, most guitar dripping, drum solo laden live version of "I Can't Quit You Baby" possible.

4. "Money for Nothing" Dire Straits--play instead..."Romeo and Juliet-Live"

3. "Foreplay/Long Time" Boston--play instead "Watch the Sunrise" by Big Star--tuneful, poppy, but tough and well, it doesn't have that grinding prefab silicon "I'm an MIT student" sound.

2. "Peace of Mind" Boston--play instead "Let my Love Open the Door" by Pete Townsend--for some reason, they stopped playing that song.

1. "More than a Feeling" Boston--play instead "the Seeker" by the Who

I want classic rock to wear out the Who the way they have been wearing out Boston for what seems like an eternity. They were a much better, more rockin', more intelligent band. I'm quite sure that the Who could beat up Boston, and well, pretty much any other American band.

As far as American bands go, Creedence is arguably the greatest American band of the sixties. play more of their songs--"Bad Moon Rising" and "Proud Mary" are great songs, but how fantastic are "Midnight Special" and "Cotton Fields?"

Please Mr. Radio Clear Channel conservative guy, stop making them play the same ten songs from the same four records. Please?

Honorable mention:
Black Crowes-"She Talks to Angels"--play instead "Hard to Handle"

Bob Seger-"Turn the Page"--play instead "Nutbush City Limits (live)"

Aerosmith--"Dream On"--play instead "Big Ten Inch Record"

Deep Purple--"Smoke on the Water"--play instead "Cinnamon Girl" by Neil Young

Yes--"Roundabout"--play instead "When the Heart Rules the Mind" by, well, Yes, but, GTR

See, I don't even have to work in extreme obscurities to get some mix in the mix.

Ok, I'm stopping now.

Rant over. I could go on. and on. done.

fin.